I have never met a bad kid. Sometimes it only takes one person on one occasion to have a positive impact on someone, and this has really stuck with me. I think this is why my partner Janet and I started providing respite care three years ago. It feels like we provide an oasis for carers, so they can have a break for a weekend. The kids are somewhere safe and we are giving hope and light while being a positive role model for the child.
Our kids are all grown up now and it’s just us and the dog. Janet works in the disability sector and my work is a little more flexible, so I am the primary carer when children come and stay.
We do respite care every second weekend. It’s very rewarding and it’s a good balance where we can maintain our lifestyle and our relationship.
I still remember our first placement, a young boy who loved fishing. We spent many hours fishing that weekend. He found an old tangled-up cast net and repaired it himself. He was so focused and passionate about repairing that net.
I really enjoyed the journey to become a foster carer. I was impressed by the level of diligence. The home safety, background checks and the full assessment to see if we were suitable was very thorough. It took us about six months before we were ready.
“Respite is all about having fun. We go to the park, use our imagination and go bear hunting, ride bikes and scooters and do craft projects.
Kids have had their own story and it’s important not to judge. We make sure that we have clear and precise boundaries in place and make these known when the children arrive. Our rules are pretty simple, when I say ‘stop’ it’s for safety reasons. Ask questions, you’ll never get into trouble for asking questions and finally have fun.
Our friendship group is a great support network for us. The kids come along to trivia nights, cricket games and whatever else we have planned that weekend. It’s good for the kids to speak to other adults, have new experiences and it means the kids are participating in our lives while they are with us. We treat them the same as we would treat our own kids.
I know I need to look after my own health and be well enough within myself to look after kids. Practicing self-care, where you put yourself first rather than last, means you have the energy and passion to care for others. If I’m challenged, I ask myself how I can best serve the situation. Sometimes having the courage to walk away may be the best option, you just need to be aware that you have that option.
Respite care works for us, and for others it may be a good way to gain some experience before considering full time foster caring. Whatever you decide, make sure your family is on board, as you are all in this together.
*To protect the identities of the children and carers in this story, names and images have been changed.
I have never met a bad kid. Sometimes it only takes one person on one occasion to have a positive impact on someone, and this has really stuck with me. I think this is why my partner Janet and I started providing respite care three years ago. It feels like we provide an oasis for carers, so they can have a break for a weekend. The kids are somewhere safe and we are giving hope and light while being a positive role model for the child.
Our kids are all grown up now and it’s just us and the dog. Janet works in the disability sector and my work is a little more flexible, so I am the primary carer when children come and stay.
We do respite care every second weekend. It’s very rewarding and it’s a good balance where we can maintain our lifestyle and our relationship.
I still remember our first placement, a young boy who loved fishing. We spent many hours fishing that weekend. He found an old tangled-up cast net and repaired it himself. He was so focused and passionate about repairing that net.
I really enjoyed the journey to become a foster carer. I was impressed by the level of diligence. The home safety, background checks and the full assessment to see if we were suitable was very thorough. It took us about six months before we were ready.
“Respite is all about having fun. We go to the park, use our imagination and go bear hunting, ride bikes and scooters and do craft projects.
Kids have had their own story and it’s important not to judge. We make sure that we have clear and precise boundaries in place and make these known when the children arrive. Our rules are pretty simple, when I say ‘stop’ it’s for safety reasons. Ask questions, you’ll never get into trouble for asking questions and finally have fun.
Our friendship group is a great support network for us. The kids come along to trivia nights, cricket games and whatever else we have planned that weekend. It’s good for the kids to speak to other adults, have new experiences and it means the kids are participating in our lives while they are with us. We treat them the same as we would treat our own kids.
I know I need to look after my own health and be well enough within myself to look after kids. Practicing self-care, where you put yourself first rather than last, means you have the energy and passion to care for others. If I’m challenged, I ask myself how I can best serve the situation. Sometimes having the courage to walk away may be the best option, you just need to be aware that you have that option.
Respite care works for us, and for others it may be a good way to gain some experience before considering full time foster caring. Whatever you decide, make sure your family is on board, as you are all in this together.
*To protect the identities of the children and carers in this story, names and images have been changed.
Prioritise your health and wellbeing this New Year
Prioritise your health and wellbeing this New Year
Whether you’re wanting to increase your water intake, become a healthier version of yourself or take up a new hobby, doing something to improve your health and wellbeing should be on your horizon this New Year.
Reflect on the year that was
Reflection is a key factor in development. It promotes self-awareness and appreciation for what you’ve done right and what could be improved.
When you take the time to reflect on the previous year, you should acknowledge the things that you’ve achieved and the lessons you’ve learnt. You should also approach the process of reflection with kindness and gratitude. This can help you to better process your experiences and set goals for the future.
Set SMART goals and determine how you’ll achieve them
When setting goals, you should use the SMART acronym to ensure that they’re as Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely as possible. When setting goals, you should also break them down into smaller more manageable goals. For instance, if you want to become healthier, that could mean a range of things like toning your body, eating better, getting more exercise or improving your mental wellbeing.
People also find that they’re more likely to achieve their goals when they get them down on paper. Write down your goals and display them somewhere where you’ll see them regularly.
Another important part of goal setting is measuring and tracking their progress. If you feel that you’re falling behind, figure out how you’re going to get back on track and continue working towards them.
Our non-negotiables for improving your health and wellbeing
Prioritising mental wellbeing should be a non-negotiable for self-development and self-improvement, each year. Improving your mental health can have positive outcomes on other aspects of your life. For instance, your mental wellbeing can have an impact on your physical health, spiritual wellbeing, relationships and can also affect your financial health.
So, how can you improve your mental wellbeing?
There are many ways that you can improve your mental health and wellbeing. We’ve listed some of our favourite strategies, below.
Get into a good sleep routine
Do you regularly get little sleep and wake up feeling grumpy and irritable?
Want to wake up feeling happier?
Well, you might want to try getting at least eight hours of sleep each night. If you struggle with getting to sleep, try putting away electronic devices and practicing relaxation techniques. Sleep is important for your physical and mental wellbeing.
Eat better
Did you know that eating a healthy and balanced diet is good for brain function and mood?
When we get enough of the right nutrients, we increase our alertness, ability to make good decisions and improve our reaction time. This can result in an improved mood and decreased feelings of stress and depression.
Foods that you should try incorporating into your diet, if you aren’t already, include:
Fruits and vegetables, including berries and leafy greens
Whole grains
Oily fish such as salmon, tuna and sardines that contain omega-3 fatty acids
Nuts, seeds and legumes
Probiotic foods like live yogurt, kimchi and kombucha.
Exercise
Even if strenuous exercise isn’t for you, try making time for regular light exercise. If you’re going to exercise, you should also make sure to do activities that you will enjoy. Whether that’s going for a short walk, going for a swim, cycling or yoga.
If you enjoy exercise, try and do it daily. Exercise is a great way to distract yourself from negative thoughts as it releases endorphins (feel good chemicals).
Practice gratitude to improve your health and wellbeing
This means being thankful for the good things in your life. You might do this by taking some time before bed to think about the thing(s) that you’re most grateful for from the day or writing in a journal. This practice can help you see things differently.
Meditation and relaxation techniques
Meditation is a practice of focusing your attention and awareness. There are different ways to practice meditation but it’s best to do it in a comfortable position without any distractions.
Relaxation is another strategy you might wish to try. It can slow down your breathing, lower blood pressure and reduce stress. These are different types of relaxation techniques:
Progressive relaxation which includes tightening and relaxing muscle groups
Guided imagery where you focus on positive thoughts in your mind
Biofeedback which is the use of electronic devices to learn how to control body functions
Self-hypnosis which is relaxing yourself into a trance-like state
Deep breathing exercises.
Other ways that you can improve your mental health and wellbeing
You could also try the following activities to help improve your mental wellbeing:
Connect with others
Spend time with people who lift you up
Take up or pursue a hobby that you enjoy
Try to focus on the positive things in your life
Develop a sense of meaning or purpose in life
Do more of the things that bring you joy or excitement.
Talk to someone
One of the best things that you can do if you’re struggling or need to improve your mental health and wellbeing is to reach out and talk to someone. By talking to someone about your challenges, you can break down your issues into smaller parts and get a different perspective on the matter(s) you could be experiencing. It also helps to feel connected to those around you.
If you feel like you need to talk to a professional, there are plenty of support services available. If you require emergency support, please call 000 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 support.
Alternatively, Anglicare Southern Queensland provides a range of counselling services for individuals, couples or families needing support with family and relationship matters, drug and alcohol related issues and domestic and family violence. To learn more, please contact us on 1300 114 397.
Meet Wayne and Robyn. They have been foster carers for the past six years, providing respite care for more than 20 children. The type of care that they provide for children and young people is also referred to as short-break and it gives their primary carers time to rest or do things for themselves.
Keep reading to learn more about their experience as carers and what they enjoy most about it.
“Our inspiration to become carers came after Robyn had left the education department. She missed having children around. We’ve provided care for 22 children over the last six years. We currently look after five children from two different families but have been approved to care for up to seven.
“We tend to look after several groups of siblings at a time and we find this helps them know that they’re not alone and to grow their social skills
“Of the children we’ve cared for, we still have contact with four of them. We have some contact with their mother, as well.
“Our tips for dealing with the reunification process, for the children and their families, is to encourage the children to attend contact with their birth family and explain to them that it was not their fault that they were removed.
“The best memories we have created are from receiving small hand-made presents and cards from the children we’ve cared for that say how we’ve been the best respite carers they’ve had.
“It’s a great pleasure to see the smiles and changes in the children from the first time you meet them to how happy they are as they grow with you. We also like the fact that we’re giving full-time carers a well-deserved rest.
“The advice that we could give new carers is to be patient and be prepared for the unexpected, as all these children have been through some sort of trauma in their lives. It’s a very rewarding experience so we encourage you to go out and give it a go.
“Working with Anglicare has been excellent. They arrange training days and monthly catch up’s, which gives us great support when it’s needed.”
Thank you, Wayne and Robyn, for the care and support you provide for young people and their primary carers. To learn more about respite care or how it could fit into your lifestyle, we encourage you to check out this webpage. Alternatively, to hear from some of our other carers, head to the Meet our carers page.
Pam and Des have been devoted foster carers for almost 30 years and during this time, they’ve provided care and support to more than 60 young people. Keep reading to learn more about their experiences, motivations and advice for those who are thinking about opening their hearts and homes to children and young people who are not able to live at home.
“At present, we provide short term, respite and emergency care to children in need. However, we are still looking after our 19-year-old who came to us at just three months old.” Pam shared.
“As I was adopted, I value family connection. I wanted to help children to feel safe and help them to connect to their culture and family in hopes of being able to reconnect with their family, if it’s possible to do so. It’s very important to be supportive of both the children and their biological parents. When it comes to reunification, we find it very important to talk to the child about any questions or concerns they may have. We have had some involvement with the parents of the children we care for and it’s always great to be able to see things get to that stage as they work towards being a family again.
“One of the best things about being a foster carer is seeing the young people achieve their goals. We are proud of them and are there to support them as they transition from school into adulthood.
“As carers, we do get tired for one reason or another and it’s great to know that you can utilise respite care. This is important for foster and kinship carers as we need to have a breather. If you have your own children, it’s also great for them.
“Our biggest piece of advice for new carers is to just be there for the children and reassure them that they are okay and safe. For us, we try to have a teddy, book or colouring book to help them settle in. We also have spare clothes for them as they sometimes don’t come with anything.
“Being a foster carer is very rewarding. You get to watch a child grow up and achieve their goals and overcome some of life’s biggest challenges. There are challenging moments. But it’s important to use your support network like your foster care support workers, family and friends to get through these times.
“We’ve always felt supported and valued by the team at Anglicare Southern Queensland. They have been there for us and listened and given us quality 24-hour support.”
Bullying is very common among children and young people. It’s found in every culture and occurs wherever there are groups of people below a certain level of social skills development. Peak occurrences of bullying are found to occur at around the age of fourteen.
Being bullied can be traumatic and affect a child’s developing self-worth, emotions and attitude to school. The long-term effects of bullying include higher levels of depression, loneliness, generalised and social anxiety. It can also decrease someone’s sense of self-worth. An interesting fact about bullying is that those who bully tend to have also been negatively impacted by it.
When children are bullied, they usually hide it from their parents or teachers. It can take some time before the important adults in their lives learn what is going on. It’s extremely important that everyone stays vigilant and attempts to take a preventative approach to prevent children from bullying and experience being bullied. Most schools in Australia are engaged in this process and have implemented a “no tolerance” to bullying policy.
Types of bullying
Bullying is a specific form of aggression. It involves an imbalance of power, where one person repeatedly and intentionally causes harm to someone else (who is generally in a weaker position of power).
Bullying is very different to conflict. ‘Power’ and ‘time’ are two factors that differentiate the two. When a person (or group of people) bullies, they typically hold more power, either physically or socially, over the person experiencing the bullying. Additionally, bullying happens repeatedly, over a period and is not one occurrence of harm.
Bullying is a behaviour that’s intended to cause or threaten harm (either emotional or physical) to another person. It can range from verbal teasing to using physical acts of violence. Here are some of the different types of bullying that people may experience.
Verbal: Verbal bullying is typically comprised of teasing, insults and put downs, name calling, and spreading gossip about another person or group of people.
Social: Social bullying involves shunning, isolating someone from their peers, cutting them out of a group or turning against them.
Mental: Mental bullying is when someone uses mind-games, gaslighting or blaming techniques to get their victim in trouble.
Physical: Physical bullying looks like pinching, hitting, restraining someone, throwing things, tripping someone up, purposely knocking into or bumping/shoving someone.
Extortion: Extortion may involve demanding someone to hand over their money, or lunches/ snacks. Bullies may also force their victim to steal something for them.
Gesture: This type of bullying includes making facial expressions or using body language/ non-verbal signs or signals to hurt or upset another person.
Racial: Racial bullying is any bullying that focuses on another person/ group’s racial or cultural background.
Gender and sexual: This involves gender-based or sexual based harassment. It can involve comments about another person’s body, “slut-shaming” or homophobia.
Phone: Phone bullying can occur when someone harasses another person through phone calls, text messages, sexting or using Apps such as Snapchat, Instagram, WhatsApp.
Internet: Internet, or cyber bullying, is any bullying that occurs online, such as via social media, forums or email.
Causes of bullying
There are many reasons why people bully. Bullying can be viewed as a maladaptive or adaptive behaviour.
The maladaptive theory explains that for children who bully, they tend to experience difficult home lives. For instance, they experience or have experienced aggression, corporal punishment or even family violence. Children can learn aggressive behaviours to solve problems, usually after witnessing adults in their lives doing the same thing.
The adaptive theory explains that people bully to exhibit superior strengths and resources. Bullies believe that by behaving in a certain way, they can gain further power and social standing.
Some children bully others to gain popularity, particularly when they see other (apparently) powerful children succeeding in this way. These children may already feel bad about themselves and want to feel more powerful. Sometimes, they might bully another child to fit in.
Children who are sensitive, shy, cautious and quiet tend to be bullied more than others. They may react to bullying in ways which reward the bully, such as crying, shutting down or giving in. Bullies then become used to getting what they want and continue to bully others.
There’s no one factor that puts any child more at risk of experiencing bullying or bullying others. Bullying can happen anywhere for any number of reasons.
Effects of bullying
Some common immediate effects of being bullied include:
Embarrassment
Shame (which is why some children hide it from their parents)
Sleep problems, such as difficulty sleeping or nightmares
Wetting the bed
Refusing to go to school.
The longer-term effects of bullying can cause greater issues. Bullying that is continuous and hidden can have disastrous consequences for a person, continuing into adulthood. Those who have experienced bullying over longer stretches of time may exhibit:
Difficulty expressing emotions
Difficulty verbalising thoughts and feelings
Social anxiety, generalised anxiety
Difficulty forming relationships with others
Very limited support networks or social isolation
Fear of rejection, or not being accepted
A sense of hopelessness, or helplessness
Depression and suicidal thoughts.
Early signs that your child is being bullied
Children deal with their experiences with bullying differently. However, there may be some signs that your child might be experiencing bullying, including:
Shyness around other children
Difficulty expressing thoughts
Low self-esteem
Appearing anxious, fearful, distressed
Trying to avoid situations where other children will be present
Refusing to go to school
Frequent complaints of illness: headaches, tummy aches
Isolation, not seeming to have many close friends, spending a lot of time in their room
Increased risk-taking.
How to respond to your child
The first step is to create an atmosphere where your child can feel like they can come to you about anything. Let them know you’re always open to hearing what they tell you and won’t get upset. You should also let them know that you won’t act without talking to them first. Children often worry that their parents might do something that will make the situation worse.
Here are some tips for responding to your child, when they feel ready to talk:
Listen to and be present with them
Don’t jump straight into problem solving mode
Validate their thoughts and feelings and reflect what they might be feeling back to them
Ensure they feel heard and understood by you
Let your child know you want to help. They should know they don’t have to feel alone. Tell your child that they are not alone, and many children experience bullying. The fact that they are being bullied does not mean anything about them as a person and it’s not their fault.
What you can do
Once you have the full story and your child feels unburdened and less alone, you can act. It’s important to act quickly and not assume that the situation will go away on its own. When you act quickly, you’re setting an example that bullying is never acceptable.
Work with your child to brainstorm some ideas and solutions. You can create a plan together. If your plan involves direct action on your behalf, make sure that your child knows about this and can provide you with feedback.
Once you have a plan, ensure you talk to all responsible adults who are in charge and have a role in the situation. Arrange meetings with teachers or the other parents. Discuss anti-bullying policies in the school and what can be done. When consulting with the other adults in the situation, make sure that the children (bullies and the victim) are spoken to separately.
How to help your child manage bullying
Here are some ways that you can help your child if they are experiencing bullying:
Listen openly and show them that you are listening
If you feel your own strong reactions, keep them quiet. Stay calm
Assure the child that the bullying is not their fault
Ask what your child did that made them feel better or safer. Positively reinforce even tiny actions that your child took, as this was all they knew to do
Tell your child that bullying is a problem, and it needs to be stopped
Ask your child about their opinion about how they think the problem of bullying might be solved
Offer suggestions. If your child is being bullied, they could:
Tell the bully to stop in a calm clear voice, using assertiveness skills
Try to laugh it off, which may catch the bully off guard
If these options aren’t safe, walk away. Find an adult to help you.
Choose a solution from all the options and help your child to try it out. Use role playing
Practice the solution and then talk about how it went. Keep practicing
Praise your child for coping.
What works to stop bullying?
There’s been a lot of research into strategies that schools, organisations and parents can implement to stop bullying. Different approaches show varying degrees of success. The main concept to keep in mind is that bullying only takes place when the benefits outweigh the consequences. Programs such as “zero-tolerance” ask bullies to give up an advantageous behavior without gaining anything in return — not a recipe for likely success.
Typical responses are social skills training and anger management. These have varying degrees of success but are worthwhile. Two factors have been shown to be reduce bullying. They include training parents to support their children and disciplining or providing consequences for bullying behaviours.
Since bullying can be difficult to detect, particularly by adults, it makes disciplining this behaviour problematic. Increased efforts in identifying bullying, when it occurs, is thus likely to be helpful. When bullying has immediate consequences, it reduces the benefits and likelihood or re-occurrence. Therefore, increasing parental awareness of, and intolerance toward bullying can be very effective. Encourage your children’s school to send literature out to all parents, advising them what to look out for. Include some educational resources in effective discipline strategies.
Educating students on the benefits of defending victims, rather than being “bully bystanders,” has also proven very helpful.
Bullies can also be shown that pro-social strategies can be used, as an alternative to coercive strategies, to attain social standing. Using a problem-solving skills training framework can help with this. For instance, using strength and athleticism to defend a victim from a bully is a good way to display attractive qualities to each other. Doing favours for people will increase not only the child’s popularity, but the likelihood of reciprocation from their peers later.
The key to this approach is focusing on the child’s social goal of attaining popularity or social power. We’d be using a problem-solving approach to help them attain that goal. By doing this we are highlighting alternative, helpful and healthy strategies that achieve the desired benefits with far fewer costs than bullying.
If you need more support
If you’re concerned that certain behaviours in your home life are causing your child to act in an undesirable way or cause physical, psychological or emotional harm to others – please reach out. Our Family and Relationship Counselling Servicessupport families and children to navigate challenges stemming from challenging home lives.
Additionally, we offer a range of Children and Parenting programs, such as School Readiness and Child Social and Emotional Wellbeing Programs to help children and their parents to navigate bullying and the emotional impacts it can have on them. To learn more about our programs, or to get in touch with our team, please call 1300 114 397.
Quality family time can result in strong and supportive family relationships. This can play a significant role in improving people’s mental health and wellbeing. Families with strong bonds tend to have fun when they’re together and enjoy each other’s company. This can cause chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin (feel good chemicals) to release in our bodies and help us feel more connected and closer to our loved ones.
Spending quality time with your family can help build strong relationships, making it easier to navigate times of change, difficulties or conflict. Quality family time has also been linked to improved behaviours of children.
Family time can be fun
Life can be stressful. Therefore, it’s important to maintain balance and make time for fun. As a family, you can consider your mutual interests and plan time to do this with one another. You can do this by asking your loved ones about what they would like to do. Activities don’t need to be expensive. Going to a beautiful spot in nature and having a picnic, or throwing a ball with the kids, are great fun and costs little. There are also websites that have lots of different ideas about free or low-cost activities.
Socialising with extended family, other families and friends
When we socialise and connect with our wider community, we tend to have fun and feel guarded against social isolation. It helps us to feel a sense of belonging and maintain and grow our mental health and wellbeing. Research literature has found a strong correlation between strong mental health outcomes and supportive social circles. Socialising with other people can also serve to widen our perspectives and we can learn new things.
Helping others
When helping those in need, it can help us feel good about ourselves. Whether it be baking a cake for an elderly neighbor, or helping a friend mow their yard, doing these activities can teach us and our children the value of focusing on something other than ourselves.
Family time means talking with each other
Some people may seem like they were born to talk and never stop, and others prefer silence. It’s probable that you would have people that fit both descriptions in your family. Regardless of whether you naturally like talking or not, talking with your family has benefits, such as building stronger relationships.
This doesn’t mean you have to engage in deep and meaningful conversations with your loved ones all the time. However, it could just mean taking a few minutes of your day to ask them how they are doing and saying a few encouraging words about something that you appreciate about them. You might also consider talking to them about some of the good times or memories you’ve shared together.
If you’re a parent, you might consider taking the time to ask your children about what is going on in their lives or what they might be interested in. You could ask them for their opinions on things, talk about what their thoughts and feelings are on certain matters or more. These sorts of conversations can strengthen your relationship with your children and show them that you care about their opinions and value them.
If you talk with your children about their interests and ideas, then they are more likely to talk with you when times are tough for them. Being able to talk and feel supported by their parents is a big protective factor for our children’s wellbeing.
Knowing when to say nothing
When we have family time, and the intention is to enjoy each other’s company, it’s a good idea not to bring up difficult or painful topics. Sometimes our child or partner may do something that we find annoying, but it’s probably not helpful at these times to criticise or name call. Knowing when to say something and knowing when to keep quiet can be difficult at times. Sometimes in relationships we can get into the habit of ‘fault finding’, however, it can re-energise relationships when we start to see all the good things the other person is doing, rather than all the wrong things. Be on the look-out for great things about a person and try telling them sometimes.
What type of relationship do I want with my family?
The amount of time you spend with your family doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s quality time. You might benefit from trying to increase the positive interactions you have with one another than decrease the negative ones.
As parents, we are role models for our children and it’s not uncommon for them to want to copy our actions and behaviours throughout their lives. This can relate to the way we talk and act. Thus, it helps to be mindful of our own actions and behaviours and ask ourselves some of the following questions, as our behaviour can be shaped by our beliefs on certain matters.
What type of relationship do I want with my children?
What are important values for me? (These might be things like kindness, respect, honesty, fun, being genuine, etc.)
Am I where I want to be, in terms of my parenting? If not, what can I do that will take me closer?
More information about parenting and family dynamics
If you’re looking for support on parenting and improving family dynamics, we provide a range of programs and resources for families of all shapes and sizes who want to improve or achieve their goals, within a child-focused framework. Call 1300 114 397 to learn more about the services best suited to your needs.
The matching process – where the needs of children and carers meet
The matching process – where the needs of children and carers meet
Can I choose my foster child?
A common question that we’re asked by prospective foster carers is: can I choose my foster child? At the end of the day, as a foster parent, you want to ensure that the child/ren you are matched with are suitable for your lifestyle.
Anglicare Southern Queensland has been supporting foster and kinship carers and the children in their care for more than 30 years. Our expertise relies on our efficiency in understanding the preferences of both carers and children to ensure that they’re suitably matched.
Starting the journey to become a foster parent
When you commence your journey to becoming a foster parent, we’ll get to know you and your family. During this process, we’ll work with you to determine the type of child/ren you’re suitable to care for. Think of us as a bridge linking you and your foster child, helping you to build a connection with them.
Every foster child is different, they have their own stories and personal experiences. Carer families are selected for children based on whether we believe they can meet the needs of the individual child.
Understanding you
When taking the time to understand you (and your family) we’ll gather as much information as possible about you, including your motivation to care, your characteristics, skills and experience. This information will help inform us when we begin to match you with suitable children.
The matching process
As your foster care agency, we’ll work with the Department of Child Safety in the matching process between you and your foster child. Several steps are taken to ensure an appropriate match is made, including:
Gathering assessment information and making a referral
During this phase, Child Safety will provide us with information about the child, their birth families, information on other carers that they’ve potentially been placed with, and other support services. Important information is gathered to help us understand:
The child’s support and care needs
Whether they’re Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander (including language and Island group). If so, the Department of Child Safety will arrange an independent entity for the child (in agreement with the child and their family) to facilitate participation decisions and determine where and with whom the child shall live
If the child has any traumas they need to work through and their level of maturity.
Consultation also occurs with the child’s parents to discuss where and with whom the child should live.
Assessing carer capabilities
We’ll assess if you’re capable of caring for certain children based on the information provided to us about them. Additionally, we’ll determine if you require training to acquire certain skills to provide them with the best care experience. If we believe you’re capable of caring for that child, we’ll move to the planning supports phase for the proposed care arrangement.
Planning supports for proposed care arrangement
Again, we’ll collaborate with Child Safety to work with the most suitable available carer to identify gaps in the children’s needs and the carers capabilities. We’ll then identify how the children’s needs can be met by you and what skills and knowledge we can optimise for you to respond to them in the best way possible. This may include cultural sensitivity, and education support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, health and education support, and more.
Deciding if the child will live with you
If you’re a suitable match for the child, we’ll work with all relevant stakeholders to determine if they should come into your care.
Other factors
Some other factors that may be considered when matching you to a foster child are the age of the child and available rooms that you have in your home. For instance, although it’s highly recommended that children in care have their own rooms, for babies this recommendation is more lenient as babies can sleep in a cot inside of their carers room.
Additionally, the size of your home and number of family members that you have will also influence the quantity and types of children who may be matched with you to ensure comfortability and space.
In conclusion
If you’re wondering: ‘can I choose my foster child?’, it’s important to understand that we’ll always endeavor to place a child in your care who’s most suited to your skill set and lifestyle. If we believe that you’d be a good carer for someone but might just require a few more skills to meet their needs, we’ll work with you to provide you with them.
Each year, one-in-five people will experience a mental health concern. Queensland Mental Health Week encourages us to raise awareness and understanding of mental health issues within our communities to reduce the stigma and discrimination that’s commonly associated with mental health.
The theme for this year’s Queensland Mental Health Week is ‘Awareness, Belonging, Connection.’ It aims to raise awareness around mental ill-health, stay connected to others and support meaningful conversations.
How to maintain good mental health and wellbeing
Many things can impact mental health and wellbeing, and there are many ways to improve or maintain it. Here are some helpful self care tips for mental health.
Improve your physical health. Frequent exercise and a healthy diet can increase your energy levels, concentration and help you think more clearly.
Get out amongst nature. Science has proven that when people spend time in nature, they’re less likely to experience negative feelings such as anger and stress. Genetically, humans are programmed to be soothed by nature.
Take time to focus on the present. When you feel busy or overwhelmed, it’s important to pause and take notice of the present. Mindfulness techniques can help you to relax and increase your awareness of your surroundings and mind.
Show kindness to yourself and others. When you do something kind for someone else, you’re likely to experience increased happiness. Kindness also has a dual benefit of making others feel better, too.
Connect with others. Leaning in on the social support of others can help reduce feelings of stress and loneliness. You can connect with others by talking to people you trust, volunteering, helping people and talking to those who may be going through similar experiences toyou.
Here are some other self care tips for mental health and wellbeing:
Improve your sleep
Engage in learning opportunities
Track gratitude and personal achievements in a journal
Do things you enjoy or take up new hobbies
Set goals.
Seeking professional support
One of the best things that you can do when you are experiencing mental distress is to seek counselling services or talk to someone. If you’re noticing symptoms that are constant, persisting for two weeks or more, or affecting your daily life in a negative way – it’s recommended that you seek professional help. There’s never a wrong time to seek assistance for your mental health.
If you require emergency support, please call 000 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. Lifeline is a free crisis and emergency support service that’s available 24/7.
Alternatively, if you require less urgent assistance, you may wish to seek assistance from a GP, who can point you in the direction of professional mental health services and provide you with access to referral partners.
Our counselling services
Anglicare Southern Queensland supports the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of Queenslander’s. We provide counselling services for individuals, families, couples and children. To learn more about them, please click here.
If you are concerned about the mental health of someone you know, read our recent article about R U OK? Day, which provide some tips on how to check in with someone and start a conversation.
In this article we explore some of the key things that makes a good foster carer.
Empathy, patience and advocacy: the pillars of successful foster caring
There are numerous characteristics of a good foster carer. They include empathy, patience and advocacy. In this article we explore:
what these characteristics mean in the context of foster care;
how to get everyone in your household onboard; and
how these characteristics/skills can help you build a greater connection with your foster child(ren), giving them a positive care experience.
Pillar one: empathy
Empathy is an important social skill, and it’s highly regarded in the foster care recruitment process. To be empathetic, you can put yourself in another person’s shoes. Empathetic carers understand the views and actions of foster children and their birth families.
When bringing foster children into your family, it’s important for everyone to get involved to make the experience a positive one. If you have children, you can help them develop empathy, starting with leading by example, talking to them about their feelings and emotions, and acknowledging them.
By showing empathy towards your foster child, you can help build a greater emotional connection with them and this can help them with regulating their own emotions. You may then notice that they might start displaying positive behaviors, building trust in you and improving communication.
Pillar two: patience
The second pillar of what makes a good foster carer is being patient. This means working at a pace that the child is comfortable with. Sometimes things won’t go according to time or plan, and that’s okay.
Reinforcing the importance of patience with your family will help reduce any stress or disappointment. When talking to your family about being patient and understanding of the young person coming into your home, it’s important to remind them that they may be used to a different routine, or sometimes no routine at all. It can take some time for the foster child to adjust to your routine and household. You can play a big role in being supportive of that.
By being a patient carer, it gives the child time to build trust in you and adjust to their new environment. This can then strengthen other areas of your relationship with them.
Pillar three: advocacy
You need to be an advocate for the young people in your care. Advocating means standing up for (or with) them and their wellbeing and ensuring that their voices are heard by you and others. Make sure to support them with their needs and decisions. What makes a good foster carer is being able to meet the needs and best interests of the child(ren) in your care.
As a family, it’s important that everyone understands their role in supporting the foster child. Reinforce the importance of taking the time to listen to and understand the needs of the young person and be supportive of them.
Again, by being an advocate for your foster child, you can help build a stronger connection with them. This can increase their trust and comfortability to talk to you about what they’re experiencing.
Find out more about what makes a good foster carer
To learn more about what you need to be a good carer, feel free to read our other blog articles. Here, we share tips and tricks, information on the fostering process and lots more.
Alternatively, if you feel ready to chat to our team about taking the next step to become a carer, click here to fill out an expression of interest. We look forward to assisting you on your journey.
Media play an important role in influencing how safe people feel and how they respond to others in their communities.
Constant negative commentary directed at young people can have a significant impact on how the community views young people and matters relating to youth offending, and their willingness to support and engage with young people who’ve experienced tough times.
Discussions with young people
Anglicare Southern Queensland is proposing a set of guidelines for media outlets to follow when reporting on stories relating to youth-related matters. These guidelines emerged from discussions between young people from our youth homelessness and youth justice programs; our front line teams; Anglicare’s Research, Evaluation and Advocacy team; academic Associate Professor Renee Zanhow; and media professional Barbara Haines, from BBS Communications Group.
The young people’s comments reflected their views of media reporting as often telling one part of the story, and repeating stories and commentary over and over. Some of their comments included:
“The media depict us as ‘malicious,’ ‘evil’ and label us negatively. They turn it into a story and think that’s all we’ll ever be.”
“Not accurate depictions of situations.”
“Make sure that they don’t keep saying “this happened again.” Focus on fixing and not blaming.”
What are the youth media guidelines?
Anglicare Southern Queensland propose that the seven guidelines (below) be considered by media outlets when reporting on matters relating to young people and youth offending:
Persistently negative stories about young people stereotype everyone’s children and shape a public discourse that diminishes all young people. Positive stories are needed to provide essential balance.
Journalists aim to be objective in their reporting. This is especially important when reporting alleged youth offences. Negative and sensational language (including headlines) relating to alleged youth offending damages the young people involves, their families and our communities.
Stories and images that are sourced from social media must be checked for accuracy.
Updated stories should be clearly identified as such. Stories that are constantly repeated with minor changes imply that young people are committing more crime than they are.
Statistics are powerful. Ethical use of statistics tells the complete story and does not seek to manipulate or mislead.
Children and young people should not be identifiable in text or images when reporting alleged offending. This includes their names, faces, families, clothes or other recognisable features.
Publications and media organisations should be held accountable when they consistently breach these guidelines.
Negative impacts on young people
Constant negative messages in the media position young people as outsiders in their own communities. Research shows that experience of being an ‘outcast’ is deeply harmful, particularly for teenagers. When this occurs, young people are more likely to experience mental health concerns, disengage at school, partake in risky behaviours and experiment with substance use/abuse.
‘Facebook vigilantism’
Social media platforms, like Facebook can contribute to that experience of alienation. ‘Facebook vigilantism’ names and shames young people, whether they’re to blame for alleged crimes or not. When this occurs, everyday community members upload images of young people who appear suspicious to their Facebook pages and community groups. This often results in toxic commentary about young people that dis-empowers them when they can’t share their side of the story. These stories and images, often, get picked up by the mainstream media, and continue a cycle that silences and stigmatises young people.
Changing the narrative around youth in the media
It’s important to change the narrative about youth in the media. This can help restore balance and fairness when reporting on youth-related matters. Thus, improving community perceptions of youth. To give one of our young people from our youth justice program the last word:
Stop all the hating and try and spread positivity.
To learn more about our Research, Evaluation and Advocacy projects, please visit here .
