Before you’re able to change the way that you think about anger and the way you think when you’re angry, it’s helpful to dispel any myths about anger. Moreover, knowing what anger is so we can change our thoughts and actions. Many myths exist around anger. However, many have been disproved by research, including the ones listed below.
What are the myths about anger?
Myth #1: Anger is inherited
One of the biggest misconceptions about anger is that it’s inherited and can’t be changed. Most likely, when someone says that they’ve inherited their anger from their parents to justify their actions, they’re implying that anger is a fixed and unalterable set of behaviours. However, research has proven that people aren’t born with specific ways of expressing anger. Rather, the expression of anger is a learned behaviour. Thus, there are more appropriate ways of expressing anger and they can be learned.
Human behaviour is learned through observing others, particularly influential people. For instance, parents, family members and friends. If children observe their parents expressing anger through acts of aggression (verbal abuse and violence) it’s likely that they’ll learn to express their anger in similar ways. Fortunately, this behaviour can be changed by learning new and appropriate ways of expressing anger.
Myth #2: Anger automatically leads to aggression
Another myth around anger is that the only effective way to express it is through acts of aggression.
People tend to think that anger is something that continues to escalate until it reaches the point of an aggressive outburst. However, as covered in our anger management article, anger does not have to lead to aggression.
Effective anger management involves controlling the escalation of anger by learning assertiveness skills, changing negative and hostile self-talk, challenging irrational beliefs, and employing a variety of behavioural strategies.
Myth #3: People must be aggressive to get what they want
Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. The goal of aggression is to dominate, intimidate, harm, or injure another person— to win at any cost. Conversely, the goal of assertiveness is to express feelings of anger in a way that’s respectful of other people. For example, if you were upset because a friend was repeatedly late for meetings, you could respond by shouting obscenities and name-calling. This approach is an attack on the other person rather than an attempt to address the behaviour that you find frustrating or anger provoking.
An assertive way of handling this situation might be to say, “When you are late for a meeting with me, I get frustrated. I wish that you would be on time more often.” This statement expresses your feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction and communicates how you would like the situation changed. This expression does not blame or threaten the other person and minimizes the chance of causing emotional harm.
Communicating calmly and assertively is more likely to gain you respect than communicating aggressively.
Myth #4: Venting anger is always desirable
For years, it was believed that anger that was expressed aggressively (i.e. screaming or beating on pillows) was healthy and therapeutic. Research has proven that people who vent their anger through acts of aggression get better at being angry as it reinforces aggressive behaviours.
There are other, more useful ways to handle anger to prevent it from escalating to points of aggression. You can find out more about them in our anger control planning and anger management blog articles.
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