Assertive communication (communicating calmly and rationally) is key to interacting smoothly with others, especially during instances of conflict or anger. Assertive communication can be difficult if you’re feeling angry, however, there are techniques to prepare yourself when conflict arises.
Interpersonal conflicts arise when you feel that your rights have been violated. It helps to think back to a time before you started looking for ways to manage your anger; whenever you felt that someone showed you disrespect or violated your rights. During those instances, you might have responded with aggressive behaviour.
However, there are other ways to resolve conflict without resorting to aggression. Negative consequences can result from aggression and it’s important to learn assertive communication skills.
Aggressive, passive and assertive communication
Aggression is behaviour that’s intended to cause harm or injury to another person or damage property. Aggression can include verbal abuse and non-verbal body language, threats or acts of violence. When someone has violated your rights, it’s not uncommon to want to fight back or retaliate.
An alternative to reacting aggressively is to act passively. Passive communication is a non-assertive behaviour, which can also be undesirable. This is because people allow their rights to be violated while building resentment for the person who violated them. People who react passively to situations build anger within themselves, for not standing up for their rights, and this causes them to also become angry with the other person.
Those who react passively tend to prioritise the feelings, thoughts and beliefs of others, over their own. By acting passively or non-assertively, people tend to avoid the negative consequences associated with aggression, but this can lead to negative personal consequences like low self-esteem and unspoken resentment.
What is assertive communication?
From an anger management perspective, the best way to deal with a person who has violated your rights is to act assertively. Communicating assertively involves standing up for your rights in a way that’s respectful of yourself and of other people.
When people react assertively, they respect the feelings, thoughts and beliefs of others as much as their own. By acting and communicating assertively, you can express your feelings, thoughts and beliefs to the person who violated you without suffering the negative consequences associated with aggression. You also avoid having your needs and feelings devalued.
Assertive, aggressive and passive responses are all learned behaviours. Using the Conflict Resolution Model, you can learn to develop assertive responses that allow you to manage interpersonal conflicts in a more effective way.
Summary
In summary, aggression involves expressing feelings, thoughts and beliefs in harmful and disrespectful ways. Passivity or non-assertiveness involves failing to express feelings, thoughts and beliefs in an apologetic manner that others can easily disregard. Assertiveness involves standing up for your rights and expressing feelings, thoughts and beliefs in a direct, honest and appropriate manner which doesn’t violate the rights of others or show disrespect.